Tuck-And-Roll

When we're running tight to our schedule and I'm dropping the kids off (usually at the YMCA) precisely at the time their activity is set to start, as I'm pulling the car up to the door I'll say "OK, tuck-and-roll!", implying we're so "late" that I'm not even going to stop the car for them to hurry-up and get out fast (I *DO* stop the car, tho!).

The other night we were heading home at about 11pm, a late night after watching a friend's performance in a musical production.  As usual for this hour the kids were pleasantly quiet in the back seat, with the bonus that they were both busy munching on granola bars for a handy late-night snack.  We approached a familiar intersection, and from the back seat, out of nowhere, we hear YoungerChild, her mouth partially filled with granola bar, announce "Sis, there's your school!  Tuck-and-roll!"

Geography Lesson

ElderChild is playing the board game RISK with one of her friends.  They're still getting the game underway, locating the countries so they can place their pieces.  Friend is having troubles locating Great Britain.  I tell her "It's right next to England." and she suddenly, promptly locates it.  ElderChild then scans the board, and informs me "Mommy, England's not on here!"  ... pause a few beats then proceed laughing at ElderChild until she figures it out.  She actually smacked herself upside the head for her "blonde moment".

Rhymes with orange

We’re driving in the car and YoungerChild is examining a loonie she found on the ground.  “Hey mom, this loonie is from 1987!” so I respond “Oh!  That’s mine!  I dropped a 1987 loonie… on the ground… at your school… last week…” and she actually handed it over to my outstretched hand!  Hardly a beat passed before she realized she’d been tricked and demanded I return her dollar.  So her father takes advantage of the situation and tells her “Did you know that if you say “oranges” slowly enough, it sounds like “gullible””.  YoungerChild spent the next several minutes repeatedly trying to say “oranges” as slowly as possible as we encouraged her “Slower!  That’s still too fast!” … 

“ooooorrrrrrraaaaaaaaannnnnnnngggggigglegigglegigglegiggle” she figured it out. 

I'm not laughing *at* you, I'm laughing *near* you...

A few months ago ElderChild was discussing a story with YoungerChild and she kept coming back to this man who was on a journey in his “yaatchet”.  Ok, perhaps I’m completely out-of-the-loop with all these made-up concepts in video games and such, so I let it slide.  But finally it gets the better of me and I ask “What’s a yaatchet?”   ElderChild opens the book on her lap, flips thru a few pages, and says “I’m not sure.  But it’s right here in the book.  Y-A-C-H-T.  Yaatchet.” 

Fast-Forward to this week.  YoungerChild is contemplating plastic aloud.  She’s trying to think of everything she can that is made of plastic and she’s compiled a really great list (she likes to make lists).  Every now and then ElderChild contributes an item, including listing “The people in The Hunger Games”.   This one catches me by surprise.  I clearly had misunderstood much of the story when friends had described the trilogy to me.  I just have to ask.  “Are the people in The Hunger Games really made of plastic?”  and ElderChild responds “Yes.  Because they’re always having Plastic Surgery. ”

There are times when, despite your best intentions, you can’t help but laugh at your own child, to their face. 

Sweet Niblets!

I’ve never been one to teach my kids that they can’t say “bad” words.  I don’t think any word is “bad” (well, except for the actual word “bad”, since, um, it is actually that word…).  I do teach them that certain words are inappropriate for someone their age to be uttering and that when they are older it will be their choice whether they want to incorporate them into their vocabulary.  Nor do I shelter them from hearing profanity.  Words, to me, all exist for a reason.   

The first time ElderChild swore she was 6 years old.  We’d watched “Back To The Future” with her a few days prior and it surprised us by being littered with “the S-word”.  (Somehow in the dozen times I watched that movie in my teen years I never noticed the swearing.  Hmm.)  ElderChild was fighting with her shoelaces.  No matter her efforts, they would not produce a bow for her.  After multiple failures the frustration hit a climax and she spat out an exasperated “SHIT!”.  But before I could even respond, an absolutely mortified look overtook her entire face as she gasped and said “Uh!  No!  What’s the appropriate word for a 6-year old to say?” to which I responded: “You know the word ‘appropriate’?  That’s excellent!  You even used it right!”

Fast-Forward 6 years.  YoungerChild has a MadLibs book out as we’re driving in the car.  When we play this in the car, we use the suggested noun/verb/adjective etc. of the first person to call one out (although sometimes we conceed to use the funniest response if it wasn't the first).  The more ludicrous the better.  (“Part of the body” – “tonsil” – you get the idea).  Today we needed an “expression of surprise” and I called out “Holy crap!” (not all surprises are good, afterall…) and as YoungerChild started to write that on the page, ElderChild scolded her “You can’t write that down!  It’s a swear word!” YoungerChild kept it anyway (it was the first response, afterall) and the completed MadLib was hilarious.  My mind is still churning this one, tho… which was the swear?  “Holy”?  or “crap”?  Maybe that’s why that kid on TV uses “sweet niblets” all the time.  … oh, and btw the appropriate word for a 6-year-old we decided would be “shoot”, but she never used either again.